At the beginning of the year, one of my resolutions was to be more consistent at writing blogs. I’ve failed somewhat miserably at this. Though I tried justifiying this because of the pregnancy and being a first-time mom, they aren’t the best excuses because I see lots of pregnant and/or FTMs that somehow find the time to update their blogs. These women must either have clones of themselves or not sleep more than 2 hours a day.
Every year around this time, I say the same thing – “I can’t believe the year’s almost over!” What’s really scary is that time seems to go faster on a daily basis. I clearly remember writing my first blog post back in September 2009 while traveling for recruiting trips, and now it’s already been over a year since then. Ever seen the episode of “Twilight Zone” where a man finds a stopwatch that stops time? I need one of those.
November has flown by and Aaron’s grown tremendously. He’s almost double his birthweight – currently at 10 lbs. 11 oz. Granted, he was a tiny baby…but still! I’m a little sad that he’s no longer the wee little newborn swimming in his baby clothes. My eyes got a little watery as I put away some of the clothes that no longer fit him because he’s outgrown them.
I’m returing to work in less than 2 weeks, and each day my heart aches a little more thinking about it. The first few weeks of motherhood, I was itching to get back to my old life and return to work, craving that sense of normalcy and the “good old days” because I was so tired and overwhelmed. I missed the silence of our house pre-baby, and the prospect of a solid 8 (or more) hours of sleep after a long day of work. How things have changed…how I’ve changed! I don’t mind getting up at 3AM to the sounds of Aaron’s cries for food. Squeezing in a shower during naptime and wearing the same spit-up stained clothes for days on end isn’t so bad either. Hanging out at home amusing Aaron with faces and babytalk isn’t boring – the smiles they bring forth are worth it.
I’ve always feared that I was born without a maternal bone in my body, and the first month of motherhood almost made me feel like this was confirmed. It took a while to bond with little Aaron, and now I can’t imagine life without him. Gladly, I give up sleeping in, drinking alcohol, and my overall independence for him. Being a mother is the hardest thing I’ve done, but the rewards are totally worth it!